Fair with a chance of cyclonic conditions.

‘Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating, there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.’ John Ruskin. Ha-ha, very funny. Not. As a 21^st century Australian woman, I can assure you that the words, refreshing and delicious don’t come close to describing our wild weather. It’s so untamed that it has become an admirable skill for a woman to be able to maintain a desirable appearance throughout the course of a day.

If sunshine is delicious, then anti-per spirant must be a delicacy for Australian women. Seriously, with temperatures of up to 40 degrees, don’t expect us to skip daintily and exclaim, ‘Oh isn’t this sunshine just delicious?’ We are more concerned with the horrid effect this blistering heat has on our appearance. Nothing more attractive than frizzy hair and sweat patches. Delicious.  

Don’t scoff, it poses a serious issue for us sheila’s sweating it out. On many occasions, I’ve fallen subject to sudden gut wrenching, stomach dropping, fear as I realise I can’t remember if I used deodorant that morning. I will spend the rest of that day with my arms plastered to my sides, resembling a penguin waddling about as I only use head gestures to communicate with the guys. Evidently John is content enough in his placid, drizzling rain England to fantasise about sweet embracing sun rays.

English ladies have an advantage as England is in a constant state of miserable dribble, compared to Australia’s sudden downpours. They whip out their waterproof mascara and know better than to even try wearing heels. Downpours in Australia are sneaky. Innocent women will look out the window to find a clear blue morning, wear their favourite white dress and just as they are trekking home, the skies tear at the seams.

Literally, out of the blue (pun intended), all the saved up rain we go without during droughts, dumps over a period of two hours. The poor innocent women stumble as fast as they can in their slippery high heels, all the whilst, boys whistle and catcall as that hot pink bra she wore only because the rest were in the wash, becomes quite evident. Australian weather and Australian women obviously aren’t on the best of terms.

In Australia, we brace in anticipation of the wind, for a particularly strong gust can send you careening in any direction. Mother Nature tends to have this vendetta against us. If you’re wearing a skirt or dress, I can guarantee that day will have thirty knot winds, regardless of previous forecasted weather. Eventually I stop trying to beat the inevitable, and let the wind wrestle apart my carefully styled hair within seconds of completion. As much as I complain about how hard the weather here can make looking presentable to guys, without it life wouldn’t be as rich.

Without our scorching summer days, we wouldn’t have slip ‘n’ slides. We wouldn’t giggle as we lick our ice cream cones as fast as possible, trying to beat the inevitable drips that run down your arm making a sticky mess. The little things like, standing in an open field with your arms outstretched, as the world seems to buffet past you at an un-imaginable pace, brings simple joy to my life. Not a day goes past where I don’t feel the urge to fly a kite, just to watch it soar aimlessly in our huge blue sky. I connect strongly on an emotional base with the land I live in, including its awe inspiringly fierce weather patterns.

Aside from the simple joy the weather brings me, it also allows me to better bond with my male counterparts. Without the pouring rain, we wouldn’t share umbrellas, cuddling close for warmth and sneaking looks through rain tipped eyelashes. The conditions that make looking good so hard, also initiate the close bond we get with each other. Come rain, sun or cyclones, the ferocity of Australia lets people share moments of giddy laughter, forgetting the vanity of rain plastered hair and panda eyes makeup.

So I guess this is where I say thank you. Thank you Mother Nature, or whatever it is up there, for blessing and cursing me with the unpredictable land I’ve come to love. Perhaps you’re a sick matchmaker, who likes to see us struggle before you grant us our wish. Regardless, I would like to make an addition to dear John’s quip, which really sums up Australia.  I believe the quote should go more like this.

‘Sunshine is vicious, rain is depressing, wind blows us down, but thank god it doesn't snow.'

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This was an opinion article I wrote in high school. I was exploring through my computer file history and found this little gem. I had interesting views regarding Australian weather. Hopefully you enjoyed it too. 

Melanie xx