10th March: Ovary Abuse: Location: Melanie's Room & Tae KwonDo

Let me start with this. I love Tae Kwondo. Kicking heads of adult males who scoff at the little vain girl in front of them holds such a sweet sweet taste don't you agree? No you can't agree because you don't do tkd - join now, or i'll tornado kick your head off and put it on a platter.

Anyway, i'm off topic, in the past you may or may not have known, that during the process of full contact sparring (literally kick as hard as u can, cuz ur fighting for your life) I can come out quite dinged and bumped.

I don't mind the scattered bruises on my arms from blocking an insanely strong kick that would have otherwise, mushed my face into oblivion so that it resembled the smears left from a black hole. In my experience, i've had my fair share of face hits, the sort that make your nose tingle and eyes water, i've had stomach crushers, that wind you so you gasp like a little beached goldfish. But lately, it seems, everyone is attracted to my genitals.

Yeah you read right. About last week, my brother executed a lovely turning side kick, and pumelled my ovaries to oblivion. For about three days afterward, my whole genital area was tender and any minor bump would ensue in horrific pain.

BUT.

Dun, dun dun.

Tonight, during full contact sparring, fully padded up in my FIRST spar which of course is against my brother, he landed the unholiest of blows. I admit I was in the middle of leaping to escape or something, but he planted his heel in my vagina. Read that again.

It was, the strangest sensation. Like a thousand million bee's in my pants, (hrmm, I should re-phrase that, but I won't). There was a raging party going on, and everyone was shaking maraccas, whilst me up above, was praying to anyone listening, that I don't pee my pants. I couldn't feel anything down there - it was on fire. Sutble as you can, I basically groped myself to make sure I hadn't like, ruptured some fallopian tubes and had severe bleeding or something, but I seemed fine. Don't be like - Oooh, Melanie must have loved it, this was purely Gemma saying, 'Oh Fuck, Fuck Fuck fuck I don't wana pee myself FUCKKKKK'.

Being Gemma, I continued to spar numerous other people and my brother again finally, and now I'm surveying the battle scars. I have a nice blood blister on my arm, where my brother's kick was so hard, that blocking it caused my blood vessels under the skin to burst. Mm nice! Otherwise nothing else, oh wait, of course my broken vagina. But that's no biggie.

On a lighter note, I broke running jump spinning kick today first time. I just stood there, bunched up my pants, shouted and ran at that wood and pulvarised it. Felt good.

WOW, i forgot to tell you, I took warm up tonight. I know, finally, I wasn't even prepared with my paper sheet. I took it and I took it good! I got positive feedback afterwards, and even remembered to do opposite movements so my little minions didn't get confused.

Good work sticker for Gemma please!

Oh wait, don't I mean Natasha?

Melanie xx